Letters from the Editor #3

Dear Coworkers,

When I fill in for an absent employee, which is frequent considering its vacation season, please refrain from coming up to 'my' desk and looking utterly disappointed that the person you were expecting is gone. Please just smile and move on if you do not want MY help. Thus allowing me to skip saying things I don't mean, such as "sorry" and "can I help you with that."

Also, it would be best if you would omit using the following intolerable comments as well: "when is 'blah' going to be back?", "how long is 'blah' gone for?", "geez, is 'blah' ever coming back?". I can handle these questions precisely one time, after that I reserve the right to either completely ignore you or else throw whatever heavy desk object I find directly at your head. Thank you for your compliance.

Regards,
Amanda

P.S. If anyone ever offers you a desk with a great window view, make sure its not located by the office bathrooms before you accept it. Its not worth it, believe me. Especially if the windows do not open. I'm filling in at one such desk and it smells, well, crappy... I mean, good lord, what are these people eating??!!!!

RIP Sofie

So I got my hamster Sofie a few months ago & all was well and good for awhile.... then she died. I have no idea how but all I can do is laugh at my life that's truly a tragic comedy. May she rest in hamster heaven.


I gave her food
I gave her water
Put up her wheel
And hamster fodder

I bought her treats
The best of bedding
She was hamster royalty
Based on what she was getting

But for one weekend
I left her alone
And found out she'd died
When i got home

Her water bottle fresh
Her food piled deep
So why had she
Died in her sleep?

The wheel not turning
From her cage no creaks
As I clean it all up
I can still hear her peeps

I feel a little
Like a country song
If this reflects my parenting
I'll never be a mom

As I sit here and ponder
& prepare her little burial sermon
I make a firm decision:
No more vermin.

5/24/09

Letters from the Editor #2

Dear Skittles Company,

I recently purchased your product after many years of absence. It was on a dreary afternoon in which I was vehemently anticipating to 'taste the rainbow' as you have so emphatically advertised. Therefore, you must understand my shock as I proceeded to chew my apparently rainbow-less skittles. Granted, at first there was a burst of flavor of which I was delighted, but a mere chew later and the flavor turned into some sort of, what I can only imagine to be, chemical burn. I tried again, not thwarted by my first disappointing attempt at tasting the rainbow, yet the same results were sadly repeated. I was unable to ingest any more of your product. In conclusion, I would like a full refund of my 45 cents and offer my suggestion that you change your slogan to "Taste the Waste".

Regards, Amanda

"The Sharing Corner" episode 1

So I've been vegetarian for over 3 mths! Yay! I still really like it a lot and haven't missed the meat one bit. I've already lost weight eating clean and am looking forward to more results.

This past weekend, however, I finally answered a question that had been burning on my mind since I first began eating vegetarian... how is it that there are overweight vegetarians??? Well, I now know the answer. After a weekend of cheese pizza, reduced fat cheeze-its, & pineapple coconut juice, popcorn, skittles, etc; I felt very very unhealthy. This all happened because I didn't have any meals prepared ahead of time like I've been doing. So when I got sick I didn't care what I was eating. Thus finally answering my own question, & yes, it is quite possible to be an unhealthy vegetarian.

Now that I got that all out of my system (believe me... with all those carbs it was quite the painful challenge!). I'm back on the health kick & I'm ready to break open a new cookbook and try some exciting (or at least yummy) vegetarian dishes.

This weekend I made Tofu Veggie Stir Fry which ended up being more like "Tofu Veggie 'fried' Rice" since I added 1/2cup long grain rice. All in all, it could be better. It needs more spice. After all, I do like my spicy dishes! Any ideas as to what spice to add would be very welcomed. I didn't use a specific recipe, just lots of stir fry veggies, a little oil & garlic, soy sauce & tofu. Let me know!

I'd also like to thank my family and those around me for putting up with my new vegetarian diet... I try not to talk about it too much but it's exciting! :)

Annoyed

I'm annoyed today. I decided to complain in a poem... I figured I would sound artistic with a poem as opposed to sounding like a grump with the long rant I had wanted to post. Pfft.


Have you ever hit the point where you're all full up?
No room left in your life cup?
For all their nagging
Gossip & bragging
You earnestly wish they'd shut up?

Today I think I've reached that level
Feels like I need a shovel
For all their issues
Handing them tissues
So I'm avoiding them like the devil

Its not just them you know
Other people always want to know
Why aren't you wed?
Soon you'll be dead
Oh pfft, I wish they'd go.

Then there are those who are sensitive
To the opinions that I give
If you don't agree
Thats fine with me
Geez, I'm just tryin to live.

Time for all the noise to stop
Or else I'm gonna flop
No more opinions
From all the minions
Cuz my cup is filled to the top.


Yay Mondays.