Dear A-hole who has no regard for your neighbors,
First, I would like to thank you for spending a ridiculous amount of money and effort to attain amazing illegal fireworks. It was your frivolous efforts that helped you succeed in transforming a quite forested neighborhood into a glowing, smoke filled dessert war zone. I'll never forget the blur of deer as they hauled ass outta their warm cozy thickets, a la "Bambi" when they're running from the fire. So precious.
All in all, your fireworks were fun to watch.... especially since I knew that if your very unsteady, alcohol affected aiming was off at all, you'd hit one of the thickly grown, giant evergreen trees & then some of my favorite uniformed men at the fire department would be sure to come. That would've been a fabulous way to end the evening... or any evening really.
So, with all these accolades I bet you're wondering why I'm addressing you as an A-hole. Well if you weren't such a moron you'd realize that while setting off your bombs & loud ass explosions on Saturday was acceptable, tonight is Sunday & its already 11:45pm and most everybody HAS TO WORK ON MONDAY! Now I find myself to be more lenient then most since I usually work the late shift at work, but even 11:45pm is pushing it. I found myself listening closely after each blast for the sweet sweet sound of you crying out "my eye, oh gawd, my eye"... words that would surely send me into a deep relaxed sleep.
However, it was well after midnight that you finally stopped your missile strike. I somehow managed to not go outside and yell at you to "go sit on a roman candle." However, I'd like to warn you that should you continue these rude late night non-weekend shenanigans, I will be calling the cops on you. Partially so you get put in your place but also because, c'mon, how often do I get to call the nicely uniformed fully armed cops in this neighborhood?.... On the second thought... go ahead, light your bombs at midnight :)
God bless America... land of the free, & the home of the brave (with a light sprinkling of A-holes)
~Amanda 7/5/09
