Breathing Again

Soft blue, all around
sun dazzling in the sky
Where is this place, I have found
with soft grass on which I lie

As i sit myself up and breathe in deep
I take in the sweet smell of new life
My heart feels lighter then its ever been
someone's wiped away the strife

Of dreams not reached, heartaches many
my soul aching with each blow
The strife of perhaps a separate life
seems so far away, so long ago

No, I won't let my mind wander there
I happily embrace the sudden peace
The hope and joy and endless love
that lingers on the breeze

What is that sound, that splendid sound
floating to my ear
I close my eyes to concentrate
yes, i know the voice i hear

Then he's there beside me
sliding his hands into mine
I open my eyes and see his smile
and know all will be fine

No words are spoke yet I hear his voice
speaking to my soul
"Rest here with me, a little while
until its time to go."

I want to worry about having to leave
but my mind remains at ease
I lay my head upon his shoulder
as my heart floats in tranquility

It could've been days, years, centuries
that i remained in that state of bliss
Til suddenly, he hugged me close
and gave my cheek a kiss

I then awoke alone in bed
to singing birds and the morning glow
Had it all been just a dream, a sweet vision?
no, it'd all been real, I just know

My heart was still light, old pains gone
nothing left to fear
For I knew now, even when he's gone
to my heart he's always near.

4/29/09

Letter's From the Editor #1

Dear UPS guy, when you lost my pkg last month we made a deal, I would give you one more chance and you would always wear those cute brown shorts. Yet today you did not... and no, I don't care that its snowing, a deal is a deal.

Regards, Amanda.

"Slap me, I'm an April Fool"

Its April Fools... possibly my least favorite day of the year. Its the national holiday for all those simpletons who lack a true funny bone. The ones who don't always get the joke the first time, who don't pick up on it when you're being sarcastic, who spend a lot of time looking at me (the smart ass) with rather blank stares. Yes, these humor challenged individuals soak up this one day a year to attempt to pull off 'funny'. Bless their little hearts.

Often they've started skillfully planning weeks in advance for this day. Like the year a coworker of mine diligently practiced a fake accent for months just so he could spend a whole 45 seconds pranking me on the phone. So precious.

Yea, I'm required to keep a face of encouragement to these awkward creatures. Meaning my entire April 1st is spent forcing at least a few half smiles and a handful of a "wow, you sure got me with that whoopee cushion" type of comments. Its like watching in pain as the Special Olympics' kids compete against the pros. (insert shout out to Obama here)

Sure, I often wish that when one of these goons walks up to me to tell a joke (then very unskillfully check the post it note 'hidden' in their hand for the punch line) well I wish I could just stare at them blankly and walk away without any acknowledgment of their painful attempt at humor. But I just can't. After all, I suppose I could give them one day of the year considering they are my, albeit often unwilling, audience the other 364 days of the year. Yes, I think next year I should even get them all t-shirts to commemorate their special day of being 'funny'. Perhaps florescent pink shirts with a catchy slogan like "Slap me, Im an April Fool!!!"

~ Amanda (aka Smartass McGee)

What'll I do with the rest of my A1 Steak Sauce?

I've recently gone on a health kick... more a 'lifestyle change' kick.
Cleaning out my apartment and revamping right down to the bedsheets
(yay for high-count sheets that don't sand my ass when I slide into
bed!). This included a revamp of my fridge. I've decided to become
vegetarian for a couple reasons... first, it seems really healthy and
quite possibly the best way to insure I finally incorporate a large
amount of produce into my diet (no more giving myself double veggie
credit when consuming 'sour cream and chives pototo chips' ya know, for
the potatos and chives of course).

Secondly, I've long been an animal lover but more recently have been
feeling the pull towards an occupation in animal health, such as Veterinarian work. Because of this I've felt a strange internal conflict with the fact that I'd be eating, well, potential patients.

Thirdly, when people go on about the fact that they eat only high
priced organic I have an automatic one-up on them... "oh really, but
you do still eat poor, innocent animals, right?" :) kidding kidding
(ok, not really.. i do look forward to that.)

Point is, I'm
eating vegetarian and, so far, loving it. I've already tried a couple
fabulous recipes and will share these here on my blog occasionally but
I also look forward to any input on other great recipes or tips. I've
found cooking veggies & tofu & fish (yes, i still eat fish and
dairy such as cheese) so much more simpler then cooking poultry or red
meat. Plus, I'm very excited that even if i don't fully cook my veggies
or tofu I won't get food poisoning (like I've done to myself SO MANY
times with chicken! Evil bird.)

So there it is. I'm a food snob.
And while I fully plan on showing off to all of you my new fabulously
healthy snob diet, past history has taught me that I'm really much too
lazy when it comes to bragging (or most things really) so you don't
have to worry :) Bon Appetite!

Writer's Block

Um, this is the best i got in a couple months. Yikes. I blame the weather.

Suck it Writer's Block

Writer's block
You really suck
I can't think because of you

No words to flow
No rhymes to spin
You're makin this writer blue

Now I'm fed up
It's been too long
Writers block, I'll just write about you.

1/30/09

Yea I said it, writers block can suck it. Hmmm, but now what to write about. Aggghhh. (insert annoying Cathy comic here).

Fate?

I actually wrote this in October & forgot to post...

Geez, I haven't written in awhile. My thoughts have been tangled I suppose. Recent events got me thinking about fate and how its become such cliche but no one really knows if its real. I'd like to think my life is forming as I move forward... but some days I really have my doubts...

Fate?

Some people call it fate

When things don't work out right

Me, I think its just a way

That they can sleep at night

What if there's just a simple outline

Of major events in our lifetime

But its really our human error

That can misguide us off that line

What if the longer we're off course

The longer major life events are delayed

And by the time we get there

The details are scattered, splayed

Maybe, just for instance

You were suppose to meet your shining knight

But you were consumed with worldly troubles

And you couldn't see the green light

What would happen then?

Would your life events be shuffled?

Will the chance come around again?

Or will it forever remain muffled ?

Do we really only get one shot?

What happens if we miss?

Does that piece of our life

Merely cease to exist?

Perhaps some things can't be answered

I guess no one really knows

All we can do is our best

And have faith as our life flows.

~Amanda 10/25/08

My Next 25 Years!

So on the last day of my youth I found myself thinking of Tim McGraw's song "my next 30 years" and how well it captures this stage in my life right now. And while I had all the best intentions to cleaverly re-work the lyrics to fit my life pefectly (as I was known to do in my days of youth)... old age set in early and I found myself much too busy watching the weather channel, soaking my feet in epsom salts and organizing my pills in one of those cheap plastic pill containers. (ok, kidding, but i really did freak out the other night when i realized i was alphabetizing my vitamin bottles. true story. lol)

So before my bedtime (oh my word it's almost 10pm! haha) I did post the lyrics below... and if all you (still reading) wouldn't mind substituting in "25" for "thirty" (thank God) and nixing the whole "my wife" thing (sorry ladies) you'd make this senior citizin happier then a day with a good bm. (couldn't resist).

~Amanda

Lyrics:

I think I'll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it's time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

Hey my next thirty years I'm gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I've done
Maybe now I've conquered all my adolescent fears
And I'll do it better in my next thirty years

My next thirty years I'm gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I'm doing here
In my next thirty years

Oh my next thirty years, I'm gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I'll remember my next thirty years

My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here ,In my next thirty years

In my next thirty years

Summer!!!

The sun
dances across the water
sparking
putting me in a daze
splashing
oh sweet cool water
enticing me
to jump in and play

Giggling
tumbles through the air and reaches
my ears
and i start to giggle too
all the kids
are playing on the beaches
in the waterthat is a deep blue

The crisp breeze
brushes against my skin
I breathe deep
letting it all in
oh summer
you are my favorite season
you renew me
and give my soul a reason

~Amanda 7/20/08

Attack of the GIANT moth and other rediculous happenings...

I almost died this morning.
Seriously.
All because of a GINORMOUS moth!
It all began when i had the clever idea to leave my car windows cracked open this weekend cuz it was friggin hot
well, hot for Bellingham that is, and us pasty skinned residents
so there i was
on my way to work
singing with JT bout bringing sexy back
when from outta no where a GIANT moth flies INTO MY FACE!
yea... it was an ALL CAPS kinda moment
bare in mind that i am driving on a one lane highway
going 50... ok, actually 45 cuz the old tools in the country drive sllllloooooowwww
God forbid they actually drive the speed limit
but thats another story
back to the moth...
it was flapping its giant wings a flailing around my head
i frantically try to swat it away,
while trying to roll my window down
screaming
while attempting to keep my eyes open,
oh and somewhere in there im driving at 50mph, oop, i mean 45mph
the damn thing won't fly outta the window
probably because of its MASSIVE size
i swear, that thing had a doberman on its back!
it was like a black & white horror flick
my car swerving all over, its beady eyes honing in on me
finally, with one quick swat it plummeted out the window
on to terrorize another im sure
holy crap
all this before 8am mind you
yea... this week is gonna rock
happy o-canada day

ps. humidity friggin sucks, thats right, i said friggin. something is very wrong when you're actually perspiring while lying completely still. i want my NW weather back... the heat is brining out the bugs.

Oh Gas

"Holy crap" she said
When she saw the colossal price of gas
She didn't need even more to budget
It was getting hard bein a single lass

Guess she'll have to learn
All about dollar stretching
And put a stop to extravagance
Hmm, the idea wasn't fetching

Oh dear, she'd have to cut out
Her weekend shopping sprees
Stop buying Steve Madden shoes
Her feet would not be pleased

No more lovely dinners
At Anthony's Seafood House
She'd have to settle for Skippers
Who's fish tasted more like a mouse

All of this because
The gas prices they were hiking
No way, she wouldn't do it!
Guess from now on she'll just be biking

~Amanda 6/13/08

For the Moment

I have so many things I'm looking forward to in my very near future. In fact my mind has been completely lost in thoughts of my future... the guy I'm going to be with, the great job I'll have, the beautiful shoes I'll have added to my collection... etc. When suddenly it hit me... I'm spending sooo much time thinking and dwelling on the future that I've forgotten to enjoy the now. Why rush life right? Besides, I can't become who I want to be if I'm not working on me right now and if I'm not living my life right now. The future will be here soon enough but every moment until then is just as precious. This is my attempt to remember to stop, breathe, and enjoy the moment. Hope it inspires you to do the same.

For the moment

Everyone is always in a hurry

To get on to something better

They forget to enjoy the now

That its the journey that really matters

Not that I'm that best at it

Honestly I'm writing this to convince myself

To learn to stop only living for the future

Instead, enjoy each moment's wealth

I really can't complain you know

Each day I laugh and smile

I'm making an new effort to really absorb

These simple happy moments, for awhile

Sure I will still think of my future often

Feeling excitement for what's to come

But just for now, for the moment

I'm gonna smile and laugh with everyone

Ah Perception...

I've just recently had to deal with an issue of "bad-perception." and I couldn't help but wonder, what made these people jump to negative judgment?... if they had just asked or expressed concern regarding the matter then all those moments of turmoil they experienced during their bad perception could have be avoided. Course I'm not innocent of this, I know I have done the same before. Thats what got me to thinking about the power of our own individual, often 'fact-less' or 'opinion contaminated" perception.


Ah Perception
Not the same for everyone
For it is the one perceiving
Making the the one-sided decision
Of how they'll view another
Of how it is they'll judge
All the while forgetting
That their glasses have a smudge
For perception is really
Just a process of attaining
So you should not form a judgment
When there's more perceiving, in fact, remaining

Adventures In Domestication

Until very recently I was living in the quaint little town of Lynden for many months. Its a very cute "Andy Griffin" type town. The kind of town that makes you feel like you're missing something when you're walking, er, sauntering down the sidewalk, er, dusty ole road to town... like a fishing pole for instance. Don't get me wrong, I really did love it there. But I found my mind being slowly overtaken by foreign thoughts and ideas... thoughts about which fork really needs to be put furthest out from the plate, worries about the weather's effect on Marge's prize tomatos, urges to learn how to churn butter and endless discussions on what flowers would make the perfect dinner centerpiece. All good and fine things... but not exactly "Amanda thoughts."

The real clincher was when I actually had a dream about "settling down with a strapping lad, claimin' some of this here land, havin a barn raisin', and gettin to work on having a dozen lil future girl & boyscouts of America" that's when I decided to load my pack on my fishin pole and head outa Mayberry for the big city of Bellingham.

Ok, in all fairness the dream might have been a little influenced by watching "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers" a few too many times growing up. Basically I think all the qualities of being a domestic goddess are fabulous... just not quite me. For I am a special breed of woman that is, in fact, undomesticatable.

I am not ashamed to admit that I vastly enjoy microwaving all my food, using just one fork for dinner (no 2nd fork or knife needed!), buying my butter from a large superstore, watching SpongeBob Squarepants because I want too (not for an anklebiters), shopping for assesories instead of making them and most of all, I really like living as a single independant, albeit somewhat idealistic and opinionated, woman who isn't ashamed that i've never scrapbooked a page in my life or compared childrens toothpaste ingredients. Thats just me, thats who I am today, and I'm lovin it.

Really, all this rambling has merely been what was suppose to be a brief intro to a poem I wrote last Christmas & wanted to share with you now. This poem was written after my very feebel attempt at knitting. I really did try, really I did. I carried those giant sticks in my purse for weeks, poking myself and others throughout... but the fact of the matter is that with my painfully slow knitting (not to mention constant back tracking) the holiday season was well over before I hade knitted barely a foot long scarf... so, until the next holiday season, my scarf (more appropriately my "pot holder") will remain at the back of my closet (in good company with other failed domestic projects), waiting for another chance to come out and try another attempt to domestic me. Until then, enjoy....


Undomesticatable

Knitting can be such a pain,
For someone just learning how
Loop & twist then loop again
My hands are cramping now

Its going to take forever
For this blasted scarf to be completed
I’m not sure it’s worth the price
Of getting my carpal tunnel treated

But a $25 dollar budget was set
For the gift exchange this year
Now I’m really hating this homemaker crap
I won’t be making this a career

Should’ve stuck to buying stuff at the mall
From the cheap items on the table
Cuz this attempt at knitting has just proven my point
That I’m Undomesticatable

~Amanda 12/07

Alone or Lonely

Couldn't sleep, so I wrote instead...

Alone and lonely

How similar they sound

But do not be persuaded

For differences abound

The cheese may stand alone

As the nursery rhyme does say

But it doesn't mean its lonely

Or sad in any way

For one can be alone

Completely happy and content

Some might even say

That time alone is time well spent

Its when you let in sadness

That you change from merely being alone

Its like letting in a sharp cold draft

Into a big warm home

Loneliness can come upon you

Even when you're in a crowd

For a crowd is not really company

Its just pictures that are loud

Loneliness is powerful and cruel

Knocking you down from where you stood

After all was it not loneliness

First of things God named not good?

But loneliness is a part of being human

The story of history tells

And it's a steadfast reminder

That we are not complete in ourselves

~Amanda 6/4/08

I Still Believe

This is from 12/07...

So I've been kinda annoyed with my moping and all around depressive status as of late and I figured that if I am in fact annoying myself, that I'm sure I've been driving everyone else absolutely insane. So I decided that I would force myself to write something positive. This is about all the things (or at least what I could think about) that I believe in after all these years. Even after all the storms of life, I still believe…

I Still Believe

I still believe in….

New beginnings

Happy endings

That there's some good in everyone

In soft, moonlit kisses

One day being called Mrs

That there's nothing I couldn't become

I still believe in…

Love at first sight

Talking and texting all night

That through written words the heart truly speaks

That there is truly someone

For each and everyone

Its when we're not looking, into our hearts love will sneak

I still believe that…

Things happen for a reason

Our lives all have seasons

That we must cherish one day at a time

That the future is bright

If we'd follow the light

One step in front of the other & you'll not fall behind

I still believe that…

When life's getting rough

You'll found out your tough

That you're actually stronger then you think

That there is much yet to learn

Life to explore, rocks to turn

So we must live BIG cuz it could be over in a blink